What are the Men of Your Church Looking For?

By Steve Sonderman

I am often asked “Why are the men leaving the church today?” Sometimes it comes out as “What can we do to keep the men of this church?” Sometimes the question sounds like “How can our church reach more men?”

There is no easy answer to this issue but I definitely know some things we can do to retain the men of our churches as well as reach men for Christ.

In this article I would like to provide some basic principles that will help you develop a male friendly church and next month I will finish. The overriding principle is simply this: The environment you develop is more important than the events or programs you put on. A man is looking for an environment that is consistent with who he is as a man and a place where he feels comfortable belonging and becoming the man God wants him to be.

Just for fun I have included a little scorecard following each principle so you can evaluate where your church stands on some of these points.

I. Men are looking for Relevance

Most men in our society today do not see the value of going to church because it is not speaking their language and it is not addressing the issues they are facing. For example, a recent survey showed that 92% of church-going men have never heard a sermon on the subject of work. The unspoken message there is what you do for 60-70 hours a week at work does not relate to what you do on Sunday mornings. The most important issues for men are their work, family, marriage, sexuality, and finances and rarely are these addressed from the pulpit today. (Many times we are answering questions they are not asking!)

Some of the key questions men are asking are:

What is true masculinity?
What is success?
How do I deal with guilt feelings?
What is male sexuality?
Is purity possible today?
What does a healthy marriage look like?
How can I raise my children to be successful?
How can I be a man of integrity in the workplace?
How can I be a leader in the home, church, workplace and world?
What is my purpose in life?

Evaluation: On a scale of 1-5 (5 being very relevant), grade how you are doing in these areas:

How relevant are our messages on Sunday to men? ______
Are the subjects we are covering in men’s small groups relevant to men? ______
How relevant are the seminars and special events to men? _____

II. Men want to be involved in a cause greater then themselves

If I have learned one thing during my years of ministry to men, it’s that men want to be involved in something driven by a compelling vision. They want to be involved in something bigger and grander than themselves.

For example, when Steve Jobs was putting together his original team of engineers for Apple Computer his challenge to them was, “We are going to put a dent in the universe through the development of the personal computer.” I think most people would say, lofty as that challenge was, they have accomplished their goal; our world is a different place because of the personal computer.

Friends, that is nothing compared to what the church is called to do. We have the mission of putting a dent in eternity.

Men want to know what hill the church is climbing, where we are going, what we are about. Men are not going to give you their time, money, and energy to move papers around and attend committee meetings. They want to be about the work of Kingdom Expansion. They want to see a discernible difference in the world in which they live?

The church has the greatest and most far reaching mission on earth and we should not be bashful about challenging the men of our congregation with it.

“Make no small plans for they have no ability to stir men’s blood.”
-- Daniel Burman, chief architect after the Chicago fire

Evaluation: On a scale of 1-5 (5 being very well), grade how you are doing in these areas?

Have we developed a clear and compelling vision for the church? ___
Do we articulate the vision to the church on a regular basis? ____
Do we have ministries that give men a sense of adventure? ____

III. Men want a Shot at Greatness

Men want a shot at being great, at being successful. I have never met a man who wanted to be a failure or a loser. Men want to win. They want to be heroes. They want to come in first. Unfortunately, it seems the church today wants nice men, not great men.

Frequently, when I’m on a plane, the passenger next to me asks me what I do for a living. If want to kill the conversation so I can read or sleep, I tell them I am a pastor! If I want to enter into a significant conversation with them all I have to do is say, “My job is to empower men to be champions in life.” Or I might say, “To equip men to win at life.” Of course they feel compelled to ask what I mean by that. I respond by saying, “I am so glad you asked. Let me tell you.”

And because you have the same job that I do, let me share with you two answers to the hard question of “How do we equip men to win at life?’

Encourage Your Men

Men are beat up all day long and they need a cheerleader. When they take a step of faith, when they say “no” to sin, when they serve effectively—say “thanks.” I use email, newsletters, public messages or phone calls to cheer my men on and appreciate them.
Give Them a Vision for What They Can Become

Most men do not know what “greatness” looks like in the eyes of God. They need a model or picture of it. On a regular basis we can paint that picture—discuss it, imagine it, make it concrete—and then release our men to fulfill that vision.

Evaluation: On a scale of 1-5 (5 being great), grade your self on how well you:

Encourage the men of your church. _____
Provide a picture of what success/greatness looks like in the eyes of God. ____
Prepare the men of the church for greatness at home and work. _____

IV. Men want to be Challenged

Men tend to view the world around them as something to be overcome or conquered. Consider the way we shop, for instance. For women, shopping is an experience; for men it is a challenge. How fast can I find it, buy it, and get home. The men I interact with are sick and tired of not being challenged. They are worn out from talking about sports, the weather, and the stock market. It’s high time we told them they do not have to check their competitive drive at the door of the church. If they are seeking risk, adventure, change, competition, and expansion—tell them how to find it within the mission of Jesus.

There are many ways to challenge your men. Allow me to mention a couple:

Raise the Standard of what is Expected

Raise the bar on what you expect when it comes to leadership development, leading teams and what it means to be a leader.
Make the Big Ask

A few years ago at the Leadership Summit, Bill Hybels said one quality of a good leader is his ability to make the Big Ask. It is reality that things are accomplished when we ask for them to be done. This may require you stepping out of your comfort zone to ask men to give more, serve more, and lead more. What I have discovered is that men are just waiting to be challenged and asked.

Evaluation: On a scale of 1-5 (5 being great), grade yourself on how well you:

Let men know what is expected of them. ____
Challenge the men in the area of Leadership Development. ___
Make the Big Ask—to give, to serve, and lead. _____

Stayed tuned until next month for four more principles on this topic.

About the Author

Steve Sonderman is Associate Pastor of Men’s Ministry and Leadership Development at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, WI. He is the founder of Top Gun Ministries (www.topgunministries.org) and author of How to Build a Life-Changing Men’s Ministry. Steve is a popular conference and seminar speaker around the country on the topic of developing effective men’s ministries at the local church level. Contact Steve at ssonderman@elmbrook.org.